ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
