im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
