Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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