Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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