Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Randomize
