p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
We named our party play list daddy issues
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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