I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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