Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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