this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
