Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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