I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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