Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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