Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
