Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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