I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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