he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
