You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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