So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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