dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize
