I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
