I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
