Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
