My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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