have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
