Sacagawea was the original milf.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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