you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
