between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
