Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
