After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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