just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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