As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
