I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
