I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
