I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
