i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
