who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
