We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
