I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
