"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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