She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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