I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
