I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
