His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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