everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
