We're like a lot better than the average bears
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
