I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
