my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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