we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
