Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
