i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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