I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
