I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
