The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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